coming out... kind of.

well... theres nothing that beats a good blowj... i mean... coming out story. so i figured id tell you mine.

the alarm sounded endlessly. i woke up- my second to last week of freshman summer had started... i was so exhilarated- i was gonna go to a block party with some friends and i was pumped. i showered, put on my lame clothes (i had no fashion sense... i look back- completely disgusted... ;-) ) and i rushed out the door. we were gonna spend the whole day together, me and my 3 best friends- J, S, and A. after i got dropped off the fun began. we had a total party and ran around and J, a girl, was flirty... i was like... whatever, cool. someone called me gay, to which i replied, in jest, "more like bi." i spent the night at j's house.

the next day was another adventure. i went to s's house where we watched a movie and hung out. after the movie was over, j kissed me. she had the softest lips, like... ever. i didnt want it to end- i kissed her back. my courage skyrocketed. i was like- that was aweeeesomeeeee. eventually i had to leave s's house and go back home. before i even got there- i started texting j. i was just jumping with joy and courage and egotism and happiness... i was like "i've needed to tell you something for a long time" "what" "im bi if not gay". i texted s about it, and, to my surprise, found out s was a froot as well... s and i talked for hours about the perfect guy. abs and stuff... hair... people i liked at school... and i eventually decided to just go by the colloquial term "gay". j cried for like 2 weeks. everyone told me to feel bad, but i didnt really have anything to feel bad about... so i didnt. j was/is no longer my friend.

thats the basic story of how i came out. its not crazy exciting... but its true.

and yes. i did kind of like a girl.

who let the dogs
out,
mikey the second.

Oneness

Sorry no post for a few days... i was busy with some friends.

I'd like to start off by saying something negative- some people really dont like homosexuals. i cant understand why. its one of those irrational fears- like world-devouring pandas (damn you ling-ling!). I challenge one phobic straight person to explain why gays merit fear- is it the scarves and skinny jeans? is it the generally non-violent approach to change? are you sure its not the goddamn scarves? is it cuz we dont conform to your understanding of gender roles?

how did we get from not conforming to hating? i want anyone who hates to provide me with a valid psychological explanation, cuz this has plagued me for years. with all the horrific happenings around the world, is something as infinitesimally small as homosexuality worth focusing on? will people remember that a guy who cured cancer was a flaming fruitcup, or that he cured cancer? think about it.

this brings me to a separate point. i was thinking about people, but without any labels. this is hard to do, but you eventually realize that were connected on the most primal level. what hurts one of us usually hurts all of us, we have the same range of emotion, we laugh, we cry, we sleep, we want to be happy. in a society that focuses on differences in individuals, perhaps we should focus on similarities. "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?" (if we see scarves or pandas, are we not scared?). if you really think about it, it will blow your mind and any preconceptions away.

sorry no crush stuff rn. i might write about some boys when i get back from dinner, but rn, i gotta go.

scarves and pandas will probably take me
out
Mikey lovebug mcloverton.

poetry

This is one of the few poems i've ever been really proud of. it was just a conversation between me and a friend that got dumped by a girl and i just let it flow. read the poem and follow the instructions.

Love

the world is talking, just listen.
quiet your mind.
clear the roadblocks in your mind
feel the way your heart beats.
the way you breathe.
realize how much of this little world you control.
flow with the world
let it tell you its secrets.
as a close friend
allow your world to open up.
it would gladly lay all its answers before you.
but it speaks a different language.
feel its vibrations.
let it talk.
you were made to understand it.
do you see anything?
does your heart feel a certain way?
is your brain starting to shut up?
you don't really need it.
your body runs off the worlds vibrations.
it breathes with you.
it lives with you.
it beats with your heart.
it loves with you.
it falls from love with you.
theres a flower somewhere that curled up when it heard about him
theres a tree that died with her
theres a seed for every person on this earth.
quite a few of them will bloom. just so you can smell them.
some for you to see their beauty.
some to see you.
some to hear your thoughts.
all in the worlds vibration.
the world wants you to succeed.
for, when you succeed, it succeeds.
and love flows through its vibration.

see my notice at the bottom of the page before copying.

Eirey

So ive talked a bit about one of my crushes and i wanted to expand on it. Eirey and ive been friends since freshman year- we used to ride the bus to school together and we got along rly well. it was cool cuz he played hockey with me soph year so we got pretty close- we were some of the few sane people on the team. i started giving him rides to games and stuff and i started talking to him bout how he felt about friends and dates and stuff. he was always really cool about talking. we had a really long text conversation one day and i wound up telling him i was gay. he didnt really understand so i kept talking to him until it kinda set in. i still dont think he gets it- hed rather i just be one of the boys. when my teammate died we got really close- now for the emotional part. we both had a pretty rough day after it happened, but we were together. i talked to him nonstop for three or four days. but early on he kinda refused to cry- i could see the sadness and anger and every other emotion that comes after your best friend dies well up in him. i just stopped and gave him the most amazing hug. once i had my arms around him, he started crying softly. i could hear his heart beat slowly and his breathing shudder as tears streamed down his face. thats when i knew i wanted to never let go. it was a defining moment in my sexuality as well- i realized how much more satisfied i was with holding someone than being held. i wanted to be there and let him know that everything was going to be alright as long as my hands were firmly holding him close. weve always had a close relationship, but theres never been anything beyond friendship that i could grasp. ive always just wanted to be like... can i hug you one more time... or maybe a kiss?

so... im gonna have very little downtime this week- sorry bout not posting very often. i have a lot of work to do for summer school... shitty, i know. but im like... actually doing work. which is kinda nice. i wanted to talk to everyone about one of my hobbies- i like to meditate. i was lucky enough to be exposed to a lot of world religions as a kid, so i took up an interest in the eastern vedic religions, and theyve stuck with me ever since. the best thing about them is their mystic practices- you can just sit around and have a huge realization about your life- and thats pretty awesome. i dont wanna get really like... controversial or anything- but give it a try. if anyone wants it, ive written some interpretations of my experiences with meditation- just small things, but i really like them. but just take a few minutes to sit and breathe and rly focus on your breathing in its completeness let any thoughts pass by and just sit. its weird how good it feels. yeah- just a mikeybyte. ill post something more extravagant later.
M2 has left the building
out.

Sooooooooo.... i've been hangin out with me lately. im staying a little out of the busy w/friends scene and just taking time to relax. i was on youtube and i remembered one of my favorite youtube celebrities- daveywavey (wickydkewl on youtube). he makes some great videos and has an adorable voice... did i mention he does his videos shirtless? yeah. one of his videos i stumbled upon today-

i was thinking about why i liked all of these guys that play hockey and LAX... and i guess he helped me to answer just that question. not only is it hockey butt- but hockey players are often aggressively goal oriented- driven; fighters. when i find a hockey player who can be a man with a goal and can be a caring individual- its frankly orgasmic. maybe thats why b, frenchy, and eiry are such cuties. or maybe it is just the hockey butt...

M2... (aside:why do i still use m2?)

out.

swimmers... yes. wait- what?

i woke up at five in the morning today. i wore the same outfit two days in a row. i got on a bus filled with assorted crazy hobos. sat on a beach in record temperatures. drank a gallon+ of liquids. ate crappy bbq- but it was worth it. what could make that experience worth it? swimmer bodies. i worked a charity swimming event in downtown Chi-town. i love swimmers. theyre often way too built for their own good- tall, lithe. just beautiful. (i wont mention that divers often look much better) but i will say that there are also some really unattractive swimmers as well. why do old men think they look good in speedos? sit down. this aint pride, where anyone gets away with wearing nothing. put on pants. i remembered something else about me today- i think girls with guys haircuts are often really cute. i mean. i could totally like them in a very gay way. also- i sleep too much. i take 1-2 hr naps every day and dont do much exercise as to tire me out. the best part of me napping is that my parents walk in, wake me up, and expect me to have lucid conversations with them. my dad woke me up about an hour and a half ago and just started having a conversation with me. all i remember is that i said uh-huh and then what over and over again... odd. this was kind of stream of consciousness. wait- what? M2- out.

softness

so i figured id give you "a day in the life of M2" or rather "so far today" in the life of M2-

Wake up- 6:00. not yet. 6:10. not yet. 6:28. ugh.

Eat something- generally its something horrible for me or carnation instant breakfast.

Go to summer school-this is where my story gets interesting-

i get to school around 8 dressed in AmerEagle pants and Abercrombie shirt. i looked good. period. lol. as i sit down to wait for class to start- frenchy walks in. light purple shirt (lilac, if you will) corduroy pants. sits down. across from me. class starts, and being the court jester i am, i crack a few jokes, ppl laugh. ace a test. make some more jokes- then, something interesting happens...

Take break from class- i walk out of the room and the purple shirts waiting there for me. smiling with every snag of eye contact he makes.

Tell him his purple shirt has a spot on it by caressing the area- this was odd. i didnt exactly intend to rub his oblique, but i did. he made eye contact- smiled again- removed what appeared to be lint and replied, playfully, "not anymore". his shirt was excessively soft. i was amazed, cuz the material looked somewhat rough. his body was rock hard- as i already basically knew.

Walk back into class- boring lectures resume as i continue to think about purple shirt. "write this down" my teacher blares and briefly describes our potential failure in the class and in future studies if we dont take notes. frankly- fuck him. he thinks he knows what makes us do well. tell that to his assignments.

Get up as class ends

Stride toward purple shirt

Once in range, caress the hair right above his collar- it was so soft. we'd had a conversation about conditioner once before... which was incredibly homosexual. he giggled as i walked away, but i didnt look back (undercover homo)[the James(or Jane;-) Bond of froots].

Look at friend like im the boss- it felt awesome. my friend was just like- damn. he tha boss.

Come home

Work on linux computer

Realize we dont have a chat supported by empathy chat system

Listen to my dad yell at inanimate objects as i write this post

Finish writing this post- more of a to-do.

just a day in the life...

much lovesies- mikey

out.

about me

I totally realized as i wrote the last one that i should probably talk a little bit about myself-

im a fruit; a homo; light in the loafers; gay; a fag (lets get all the names out of the way now).

i like penis (just wanted to make sure you got the message)

ive had possibly the worst year of my life

-my mom has breast cancer

-my friend/teammate commited suicide

-i got booted out of an activity i loved (hint: not hockey)

-i got ditched by dbag friends

/complain

im in love with at least three guys at once

i talk consistently about the aforementioned males all the time

im slightly reverse bi-curious

im a buddhist/ hardcore philosopher

i love talking to people- any people- and helping them solve problems

im loud and attention loving (but what fruit isnt)

I LOVE USING THE WORD LOVE- AND I LOVE YOU.

My Family

you ever stay up deciding whether to cry or not? i do. frequently. i dont wanna seem emo or anything (even tho emo guys are smoking hot), but i often have to make the decision whether to cry or lay in bed wanting to cry. pretty dismal, right? my moms been on some steroids that have made her insane- and my dads always been insane- so it really sucks right now. i've been hating it. but (i love buts, they make bad stories sound so nice) i have some prospects in the guy world. what happens when you put a frenchman, an irishman, and mikey in the same summer school class(and seat them all next to each other)? good things. good things happen. ive been really good friends with the irishman for a while (irish swede- i know no better combo) and our friendship has really blossomed; i feel like i could take it to the next level eventually. the frenchman is the most attractive guy i know. hes been all over me some days, and wont even look at me on others. hes weird as hell. OH-B texted me again over the break randomly and i fell apart. i hate that. i feel like the smallest things mean love. its rough. but i have to thank maddie and austin and david for helping me through it. if, by some odd chance, someone else reads this- visit maddies blog (savedbytheblog14.blogspot.com) and the bdny forum (bdnynation.yuku.com)

"The Second Coming"

so i've wanted to join the blog scene for a while now, as im sure all the old guys from hockeykidmn remember- so i bit the bullet and just did it. before i started posting, i just wanted to say a few things-

1. this is not, and was never intended to/ever will be, a replacement for "mikey"one. i know everybody wants a second mikey- but im not him... exactly...

2. im not him. thats good and bad. i can be a lot better than he was and i can be the age i say i am. but if youre expecting another mn- too frickin bad.

3. im not totally consistent when it comes to things. i dont have PaTT3Rns of typing like a certain someone claimed to have- i abbrev. what i think i should, and i Capitalize what i want. deal.

4. I LOVE YOU ALL. anyone who already knows me has offered unmeasurable support, and i created this blog- in a way- to give back.

5. here goes. im gonna dive in head first. read my next post for your first introduction to mikeytoo's life.