could we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars?
i feel a lot better guys, and thanks for the support. Pots has been yelling me to keep posting even though i really hate it (thats for all the times you ragged on me, pots! ha!)... but i realized soon enough that i need to be strong, not just for me, but for all the other cutey fruitys out there who dont know what to do. and to suggest they wear skinny jeans and come visit me. it gets hard some times, but i want you guys to know that id never leave this world- i love you too much (and boys too much) to leave you alone; what would you guys do without my wonderful humor and lip-syncing? ive thought a lot about everything and i wanted to ask you guys- you ever feel like not being with a guy is disappointing because you know you could make them happy? i always say that ill settle for best friend, but fact of the matter is i want to give more. it hurts knowing that we cant wake up in each other's arms or kiss. sex would be fun too. but the thoughts just- hurt. you feel an empty spot bubble up and you grab a teddy bear. its like when you drink coke too fast and you burp out your soul. or you watch (better yet, play on) a team take it to the cup and get stomped (sorry flyers fans). thats the worst bit. not the rejection or dismissal, just the thoughts. "thinking bout her, thinking bout me, thinking bout us, what we gon' be; open my eyes, yeah, it was only just a dream"
... once upon a moonless night,
ReplyDeleteI wished upon a satellite
So far away it twinkled bright
And played a star for me to see...
I find that what makes me happy is the other person being happy. Many times, I've seen someone (a specific guy) walking down the street smiling and humming, and it'll make the rest of my day great even if he doesn't notice me. That leads to some problems, but mostly it's good.
I’m not coming w/ excuses but let me play the other side advocate. These guys are not rejecting you. Try seeing things through their perspective, it’s very complicated being out n having a bf in hs. Even if they are ok w/ who they are, are they ready to handle prejudice in hs? Or worst, how’s the situation w/ their parents? What if word gets spread around n they don’t have so tolerant parents… There could be a lot of risk involved even though they’d like to jump all over you but fear stops that from happening. They want to be happy just like you do (we all dream of the same things, ppl aren’t really that different) but what else could be stopping them from being happy if not this fear.
ReplyDeleteBut idk how’s you situation w/ these boys but from personal experience I’d say don’t give up so fast. Give them time n in the meanwhile charm them, win them over. N don’t take it too personal went things don’t work out (some times it’s not you it’s just the situation). Good things come to those who wait. Peace, Luke
P.S: “wear skinny jeans and come visit me. it gets hard some times” yeah I bet it gets hard. Ha!
oh luke. i really do think you make a good point. i just hate knowing that i could protect them, hold them, and love them; "i could show you the world, shining, shimmering, spendid." i realize its a very personal decision (i made it) but i live every single day glad that i did. i want to show other (hot) guys that its okay to be gay, its okay to want me (to want you) and that i do, in fact want them. thats where it gets difficult. mm skinny jeans. thats an automatic bj, right there. and austin- i feel the exact same way.
ReplyDeleteSince you're very musical here's one for you:
ReplyDeleteLast night I said these words to my girl
I know you never even try girl
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, come on. come on
Please please me oh yeah like I please you
You don't need me to show the way love
Why do I always have to say love?
Come on, come on. come on. come on
Come on, come on, come on. come on
Please please me, oh yeah like I please you
I don't want to sound complaining
But you know there's always rain in my heart
I do all the pleasin' with you
It's so hard to reason with you
Oh yeah why do you make me blue
Last night I said these words to my girl
I know you never even try girl
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, come on. come on
Please please me oh yeah like I please you
Oh yeah like I please you
Oh yeah like I please you
"Please please me" - the Beatles
You should be punished for encouraging guys to wear skinny jeans. Maybe that's why you're having a hard time with guys instead of hitting on Mos you're hitting on Emos.
ReplyDeletelol... hey-p- i just thoroughly enjoy the style. i dont think im hitting on one emo, nor do i really want to. i think skinnys and long soft hair are pretty awesome. kill me for it. ;-)
ReplyDelete